This question feels like something of a trans legend or folklore—“a tale as old as time.” At least it does for me, whose first experience and proximity to the trans community was mostly from behind a screen. I’ve been enthralled and greatly shaped by the dolls on TV, movies, and a myriad of ballroom clips and docs. That is to say, I feel like we all grew up on these stories until we knew the experience for ourselves. And for many of us, “hesitant” is only the beginning.
Like on that sweet summer night I danced with a man till the last drink was served, and all at once, the lights were bright enough for me to have the conversation. He drew the words from my mouth like they were never mine to begin with.
Or the time a man found himself under every one of my selfies and in my dms, and just as quickly found his exit once he clocked tea.
The way I’ve held my breath every time a man has got at me in public.
The minefield a grocery store or bank can be is almost comical. Far too often we fall experiment and or detriment to our straight and hetero counterparts. I’ve spent a lot of time being afraid and hesitant for so many extremely valid reasons, but that same hesitance stagnated a lot of my growth and happiness. That’s why my biggest advice to a trans woman who has matched with someone who identifies as straight and is hesitant or scared, online or in person, is to remain strategic, level headed, and autonomous.
I can’t stress enough the prioritization of trans joy and safety/survival, and that starts with us being willing to take up/make that space for ourselves and accept nothing less.
I promise the most sexiest thing you could ever be is confident. So, no matter how fish or brick you are, walk into every room like you own it, know what your worth is, and you dismiss anything less. Be unwavering in what you deserve. Know that you are in control of the conversation.
As a trans woman, there will always be straight men who want to talk to you. When they do, remember you owe no one (romantic or platonic) an explanation, justification, or general education about your gender sexuality or body. And you, like the rarest, baddest b**ch in the room. Period
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