Should I come out to my family before or during the holidays?

Moe Ari Brown, LMFT
(they/he)
Hinge's Love and Connection Expert 

The first thing I think about is safety, always. Consider if your family might respond in a harmful or hurtful way. If that's the case, have a safety plan that includes an exit strategy in the event of a worst case scenario. This can include giving supportive family members a heads up so they can be there if needed. Once you have your plan figured out, it might be okay to lean into the moment and share about your identity. 

The second part is how you’d like to share this information. Think about whether you’d rather talk to everybody all at once or have individual conversations. This choice comes down to what you want that experience to be like while considering how it makes others feel.

Ultimately, we want family to witness who we are in a way that feels celebratory of our identities.

Also, remember that coming out doesn't have to be an in-person experience and it’s normal for the process to look different from person to person. It could be on the phone or virtual. Of course, there are other “hybrid” options at your disposal. For example, I've had clients write letters to their family prior to the holiday. Then, by the time the day arrived, people were more prepared to have an in-person dialogue and really embrace them.

The most important thing is to take care of yourself in this process. If you feel like you don’t have a support system, you won’t be safe, or there won’t be time to share the way you’d like to, I'd say that holiday gathering might not be the best time to come out and you may want to explore alternative options. 

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